I even can remember when I saw him first time in Japan. Vague but clear memories are carved in my mind. Start of spring, He was reading a book with grey long sweater and olive colour backpack at the Narita international airport. First thing I had felt was nervousness. That was, actually, our second time meeting after first time meeting in Korea. After my three months Language course was finished, I visited to my parent and met him as a friend. I was shivering with unexpected cold. I remember that was so damn cold so I could not remember anything after long walk.

We had a conversation at the returning airport bus by English. Because, I just came back from NYC after three months of Language course and he graduated Art school previous year, he wanted try to practice my language. It would be funny if I listen that conversation now. I was tensed by meeting — almost — stranger and I was be there as a Japan guide to him in recompense for his guidance at Korea. He was sharper and more gloomy than now. He merely said few words and that made me more nervous.

Although I have never counted how many years passed, I can feel he affected me in many ways. The impact of the existence is stronger than any of other things. Especially, if that is a someone who shared deep mind without border, as if I have broken my cage I cannot turn back the page. As an only daughter, I used to be alone. I could spend a month without meeting someone or speaking any words. It was so easy so I could not realise that is strange things. However, past few years I became a person who cannot endure the silence or loneliness. Constantly, I needed something to make me exciting and gave the vitality. I started pursuit of togetherness socially and privately which I never imagined before.

Unfortunately, he did not teach me how to be alone. I forgot to be alone. Once I accustomed to connect with someone all day and share all the tiny issues in my life, I started scare to go back to when I was live inside of my world. I think I was not miserable that time, just alteration of the selfness made whole thing differently. In London, I am alone. I made few friends in my class but I already started to miss the deep connection with someone who knows about me without words. It cannot be built a day. It needs sacrifice from part of my life to understand each other fully.

I am lost my way now. I want to concentrate my future but I cannot find a way from loneliness, immatureness and vagueness are filling me. I know I should used to be alone to survive from my life. I also hope it can be great opportunity to grow up as one independent person who is not influenced easily by the others. Sincerity, I should figure out how can I stand from this situation.