Foucault is not helping me

My mind has been seized with one question for the past 2 weeks. That question is surrounding me and never let me go free. Indigestible thinking was stuck in my mind and started rot.

Oh, shit I so hate the feeling that occupying me completely.

Some people could call it as passion, the other could point it as a enemy. Depend on how it affect me it can be both. I think it always start from curiosity which is most I cannot resist. and makes me want to crave more. I am very vulnerable front of the curiocity. It wins all the time. Then, it suddenly hide behind the curtain remaining only vague shape. I try to grasp certainty which can destroy my curiosity. I try to find a shelter – Dreaming Utopia as if I can ignore everything, but accidental events following me over and over. Ha, I’m not that worth it Tyche!

Maybe, if I put the name on it, it can have a clear shape. Anything negative word.

Ok then, let’s start productive thinking. How can be good designer? Well, I even don’t know what is the Design anymore. Once I thought I have clear idea about which kind of designer that I want to be. I’ve heard so much my design is too much focus myself, and sometimes too abstract I really like to communicate the other and know what they think and give my thought. Because we are different, we can have something to share. I started thinking that I want to make design for individual not for all of us. I am not sure this is correct way to go – maybe someone can say to me there is no correct answer, I just hope someday I can find the answer for this. When I was young I sometimes fancied myself as a brilliant person. I imagined myself as Einstein genius. How sweet dream it was. But once I reached the peak point, I became desperate because I started think that I am not clever enough in my criterion. Oh no, I’m becoming pessimistic again.

Need something I can focus on instead. Foucault is not helping me yet.